CHRISTIE’S • 1997

DADS OF
THE AISLE

A FIELD GUIDE TO HARDWARE STORE SPECIMENS

Presented for the first time at auction, this rare collection documents the precise taxonomy of fathers encountered in American hardware stores during the final decade of the twentieth century. Each lot has been observed, measured, and authenticated by our field naturalists.

Provenance: Home Depot, Menards, Ace Hardware, and independent lumber yards across the continental United States. All specimens in excellent original condition.

LOT 01 • THE BELT-SANDER ENTHUSIAST

The Belt-Sander Enthusiast

Distinguished by the slow, reverent circling of the belt-sander aisle. Wears faded Carhartt and carries a single sheet of 80-grit paper as though it were a sacred text. Known to test the weight of every sander on display before selecting the heaviest.

ESTIMATE
$1,800 – $2,400
Dimly lit hardware store tool aisle with rows of power sanders
LOT 02 • THE MEASURING TAPE COLLECTOR

The Measuring Tape Collector

Travels with three tapes clipped to his belt at all times. Can be heard muttering fractions under his breath while comparing the locking mechanisms of every model. Rarely purchases; the ritual of comparison is the true quarry.

ESTIMATE
$950 – $1,300
Middle-aged man in work shirt examining measuring tape
LOT 03 • THE LUMBER INSPECTOR

The Lumber Inspector

Approaches every 2×4 with the solemnity of a sommelier. Runs fingers along grain, sniffs the cut end, and holds boards to the light for knot inspection. May spend forty minutes selecting a single length of pine.

ESTIMATE
$2,100 – $2,750
Stacks of dimensional lumber in a hardware store yard

Field Notes, 1997

Observers are advised to move slowly and avoid eye contact with the alpha specimen near the circular saws. The most reliable sighting hours remain Saturday mornings between 8:40 and 11:15. All specimens exhibit the same quiet dignity when holding a level to their eye.