THE INFINITE SCROLL

THE HABITAT

In the shimmering plains of the Information Superhighway, a new predator has emerged. The Infinite Scroll thrives in the warm glow of cathode ray tubes, feeding on the attention spans of weary netizens who log on after dinner.

Its natural range stretches from the humble GeoCities neighborhoods to the vast corporate portals. It waits patiently behind every timeline, every news feed, every humble guestbook.

BEHAVIOR OF THE BEAST

The creature exhibits remarkable patience. It never reveals its full length. Instead, it generates fresh content with each rotation of the mouse wheel, keeping the viewer in a state of mild hypnosis until hours have vanished into the ether.

THE DANGERS

Field researchers report subjects who entered the scroll at 8:42 p.m. were still engaged at dawn, their coffee cold beside the glowing monitor.

HOW TO ESCAPE

1. Locate the small red button marked with an X in the upper right corner of the window.
2. Press firmly with your mouse pointer.
3. Repeat the phrase "I have seen enough for one evening."
4. Walk away from the machine and look out a real window.

Early intervention is critical. The longer one remains, the stronger the pull becomes.

REPORT A SIGHTING

Have you encountered the Infinite Scroll in the wild? Submit your field notes below. All reports are logged by the 1997 Web Safety Commission.

LIVE FEED OBSERVATION